Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
