Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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