Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
