the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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