Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
