Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
