she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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