Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
