Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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