I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
they're like a gay fantastic four
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
