dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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