Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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