You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
