I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
