Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Semen is not good for contacts.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
