Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
