I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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