i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
