Well apparently he's into motor boating.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
