can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
