Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She bit a glass in half.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
