The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
