I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
