i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
