Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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