She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
