the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
