That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
