u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
