It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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