using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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