i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
