I hate all girls vehemently.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
