but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
