What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
