made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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