My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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