I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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