i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
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Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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