Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
