This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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