Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The power of my boobs compel you
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
