We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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