I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
