i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
