i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
