omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
