how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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