You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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