U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dicks are not precious.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
