Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
