ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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