He is an equal opportunity slut.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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