my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We are two peas in an std pod
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
