dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
