That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
worst night to have a conscience
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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