Your face is a jimmy john
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
