I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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