porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
