you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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