Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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