Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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