So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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