I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I see more hoeing in ur future
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