I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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