you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
