Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
