obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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