3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
