You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
