i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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