Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
