It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
