Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
